


chasing a memory

by darlingargents



Series: Snaibsel Week 2016 [5]
Category: Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Supervillains, Canonical Character Death, Developing Relationship, F/F, F/M, Femslash February, Grief/Mourning, Magic, See Notes for Additional Warnings, Snaibsel Week 2016, post-s2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-22 10:28:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9604031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darlingargents/pseuds/darlingargents
Summary: After Wally West dies in the line of duty, Artemis Crock disappears off the face of the earth. No one knows where she's gone, until a team of villains resurfaces, led by none other than Tigress. Zatanna must track down her former teammate and turn her back to the light - and confront the feelings that she's tried to keep buried for years.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Snaibsel Week. Day 6: Magic. THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY SAD AND I DON’T KNOW WHY I TOOK THE PROMPT LIKE THIS. Um, sorry, I guess? It’s very sad. And dark. Additional warnings: a few mentions of vomiting, referenced self-harm, a few mild descriptions of violence, a very brief mention of sexual assault, a lot of references to an event during which a bunch of people were murdered, non-consensual use of mind-altering drugs, mind control, and a LOT of focus on death/grief/mourning. All Spitfire is in the past, but it's very present in the context of the story, so while Snaibsel is how the story ends, if Spitfire isn't your cup of tea this probably isn't the story for you.
> 
> The last time I edited this document (prior to me opening it up again and finishing it in an hour) was November 22nd, so there's... that. Sorry it's so late. It's here? The other two stories for this week will also happen eventually, I promise. I guess this kinda counts for Femslash February since I'm publishing it now, at least, so there's that. One other quick note: I don't know _anything_ about the Injustice League other than what was in that one YJ episode, so i'm sure this is absolutely terribly inaccurate; there's a reason it's barely there, I just needed a supervillain group that wasn't the Light and I chose it mostly at random. So, forgive my obvious lack of knowledge there.
> 
> Title is from a lyric from Remains by Bastille. The full lyric is:  _I know I chased a memory but you used to taste so sweet_. I thought it sorta fit (and it came up on shuffle while I was writing) so that's what I went with.

Batman’s face looked slightly less than impassive behind his mask, which set Zatanna immediately on edge. For the Batman, showing emotion of any kind meant disaster. He’d called an emergency meeting of the League and the Team, and it was the middle of the night. Half the superheroes in the room wore pajamas with domino masks covering their faces.

Batman looked down, and then spoke, his words short and to the point. “There has been a recent surge in connected bombings across the world, and we’ve finally tracked down the responsible parties. The Injustice League has been reformed.”

There was a moment of silence before chaos erupted for a few moments. It only took one Bat-glare to get the heroes to quiet down.

“How?” demanded Zatanna as the shouting in the room dissolved into whispers. “The Team got rid of them six years ago.”

“It seems,” said Batman slowly, clearly measuring his words, “that they were reformed by a massive breakout at Arkham and Belle Reve simultaneously, along with the remainders of the Light that we couldn’t contain after the Team invaded the summit between the Reach and the Light.”

“This is very sudden,” said Wonder Woman, frowning in Batman’s direction. “The Light was destroyed less than a year ago, and they’re already making a move on this scale? They must have had some sort of help.”

“We believe that we know who helped them,” said Batman. “But we haven’t confirmed anything yet, and it would be a mistake to accuse this person before we have solid proof.” His eyes landed on Zatanna. “Zatanna. Nightwing. With me.”

Across the room, Dick frowned and glanced at Zatanna as if he was hoping to see an explanation. She shrugged, and the two of them followed Batman into the side room he’d gone into.

“Do you know what this is about?” asked Dick as he fell into step beside Zatanna. She shrugged.

“He didn’t tell me anything. I’d think he’d tell you before me, though.” She wondered distantly what could be so bad that Batman hadn’t even told Dick yet.

“True.” Dick pushed open the door and they went inside. Batman was standing in front of a large screen, and Zatanna saw the open file was on—

“ _Artemis_?” Dick stepped up beside Batman, almost pushing him out of the way to get a closer look at the file image of an orange-masked woman. At any other time, Zatanna would have smiled and wondered how many other people could get away with elbowing the Batman, but her mind was frozen in horror as she stared at the file.

 **TIGRESS** , it declared in bold letters. **SUPERVILLAIN**.

“What is going on?” Zatanna demanded, and Batman turned around, expression as impassive as usual.

“We have reason to believe that after Artemis’s… leave of absence, she turned to her father for guidance.”

“She wouldn’t do that,” said Dick immediately. Zatanna nodded, still too horror-stricken to speak.

“Artemis lost her partner in the line of duty. Loss affects all of us differently, and it’s not out of the realm of possibility that she simply snapped and decided that the superhero lifestyle isn’t worth it.” Zatanna thought she could hear a tiny strain in Batman’s voice, which meant major emotion for him. It scared her almost as much as the file staring her down.

“What did she do?” asked Dick in a very small voice, after a long silence. Batman flinched a tiny bit, as if he’d been hoping they wouldn’t ask.

“We tied her to the bombing in New York.” Zatanna didn’t immediately know what that meant. The Injustice League had announced their revival by bombing dozens of cities around the world, and the New York bombing was just one of many. But from the way Dick immediately blanched, she guessed that it wasn’t good. “It took out a police precinct.”

Zatanna felt herself go faint with horror. _That one_. It gone off in a police precinct, killing a dozen officers and eight civilians. No children, but one teenager. Not the highest body count, but it was messiest and goriest of all the bombings.

She’d seen the pictures — oh, _god_ —

Artemis had done that.

Zatanna barely made it home before she started crying, and didn’t stop for hours.

* * *

Artemis was free.

Finally, she was _free_.

Once, she’d had limits. Rules. And she’d been so sure that it was the right way.

But this — allowing her arrow to fly free, to pierce skin and draw blood, taking the lives of those who deserved it — was right. It was what she was owed. After what this world had taken from her?

She was owed all of it.

After that day — after Wally had died, after she’d gone to his funeral, knowing there was nothing to bury, knowing it didn’t _matter_ —

Something inside her had shattered like glass, into a million sharp pieces that she was left to pick up on her own. And so she’d left — left everyone, left the superhero business like she’d always said she would. She’d hitchhiked around Europe going nowhere in particular, and one day, she’d stumbled upon her father.

Artemis had found him in a bar in Germany — or to be more accurate, he’d found her, nearly blackout drunk, with a broken bottle in her hand and a bloody man on the ground below her. She remembered nothing from that night except the sharpness of where the glass had ripped into the skin of her hand and the sound it made when she sliced into the face of a man who’d put his hand on her ass and asked her, in crude terms, if she wanted to fuck him.

(Her father had told her, when she’d woken up in his hotel room, that her victim had been blinded in one eye and scarred all across his face. He’d sounded _proud_. More than he’d ever been. And he’d unwrapped the gauze on her hand and showed her the forming scar, and she’d been proud too.)

Her father had asked her what she was doing, and she’d told him the truth: nothing. She had no purpose. She was wandering around, waiting for… something. Anything to give her life meaning again.

He’d offered it to her. A way to take down the Justice League, the people who’d taken Wally from her. They’d attracted the attention of the Reach; the Reach had killed Wally. It was their fault.

Artemis had said yes.

* * *

A week later, Batman called Zatanna to a briefing room alone, and handed her a file.

“This is your assignment,” he said. She flipped it open.

 _Tigress_.

Zatanna stared down at the open file in front of her, and then looked back up at Batman. “Why do I have to track her down? I’m not an expert in that.” _And I’m not exactly the most objective person for this case_.

“I know,” said Batman. “But the rest of the League is hunting down the other members of the new Injustice League, and you knew Tigress almost better than anyone alive. We need you on this, Zatanna.”

Zatanna nodded. “Okay. I’ll get Zatara to help me.”

Batman closed the computer file, leaving the print version with Zatanna, before stalking off in that Bat way of his. She looked down at the file in her hands, and swallowed back her fear and anger. She didn’t want this case; she wished that someone else had taken it. Anyone.

Zatanna zeta’d back home, to the apartment she lived in, and laid out the file on her kitchen table as she started dinner cooking. She read it over as the pasta sauce mixed itself.

> **_TIGRESS_ **
> 
> _Real name: Artemis Crock (see note 1)_
> 
> _Active: under 2 months_
> 
> _Body count: 20_

Zatanna swallowed back her horror, the images of the police precinct bombing flashing behind her eyelids. It made her sick to her stomach every time she thought about it.

> _Weapons of choice: Bow and arrow, bombs, hand-to-hand combat_
> 
> _Allies:_ **_Sportsmaster_ ** _, the_ **_Injustice League_ ** _,_ **_Cheshire_ ** _(see note 2)_
> 
> _Notes:_
> 
> _\- 1: daughter of Sportsmaster_
> 
> _\- 2: real name Jade Nguyen and sister of Artemis Crock_
> 
> _Final note:_
> 
> _Former sidekick of Green Arrow, former member of the Team, and formerly selected for admission to the Justice League. While Artemis Crock spent several years active as_ **_Artemis_ ** _(see separate file), she is no longer considered a superhero._

Zatanna closed her eyes, pushing down the tears building there.

_How did you fall so far?_

She flipped the file shut and paused to continue cooking, turning over possibilities in her mind, trying to ignore the actual meaning of the situation. Tigress was too good to be caught easily, but Zatanna knew her. Had known her.

Or thought she’d known her, at least. The Artemis she’d known wouldn’t have become a supervillain for anything. She knew the meaning of _superhero_ , and dedicated her life to that ideal.

And now she had a kill count. Sickness lurched in Zatanna’s stomach, and she barely made it to the bathroom before she threw up.

The pictures flashed before her eyes again. Blood and gore and death, death, _death_.

Artemis had done that.

Artemis, whom she’d trusted—

Artemis, whom she loved. Still.

Love hurt more than anything, Zatanna had begun to discover.

* * *

The smell of burning pasta sauce roused Zatanna from the misery she’d been wallowing in, lying on the floor of her bathroom. She called out “ _nrut ffo evots_ ,” and brushed her teeth before going back into the kitchen and throwing out the burnt sauce. She’d just order takeout. Again.

A week. She’d known about Tigress for a week and she was still falling apart. It was a disaster.

As she finished ordering takeout — one large pizza, might as well get enough for leftovers — the was a flash of bright light outside and Zatanna’s front door opened. Doctor Fate stepped into her living room, and reached up to take off his helmet. Another flash of light, and Zatara stood in front of her.

“Hey, dad,” she said unenthusiastically. It was Friday — their weekly dinner night — and she’d ordered pizza. Great. They’d been doing this for a little over two years now; that was how long it had taken for Doctor Fate to feel safe enough to allow Zatara freedom for two hours once a week. It wasn’t enough, not nearly enough, but it was something, and Zatanna was profoundly grateful for it.

“Zatanna.” He hugged her, once he’d placed the helmet on the coffee table. “I heard about Artemis.”

She groaned and pulled away from him. “I don’t want to talk about it. It’s all anyone can talk about.”

“I see.” He sat down at the table, and noticed the lack of cooking going on. “Takeout?”

“Burned dinner,” she muttered.

“Ah.”

* * *

“I need your help with something,” said Zatanna after dinner and an episode of Brooklyn Nine Nine. It was their show, that they watched whenever they were together — old episodes or new ones, it didn’t matter. Zatara looked at her in surprise.

“With magic?” he asked, and she nodded. “I’m a little out of practice, Zatanna.”

“It’s just a theory. I need to know how to track someone down.”

He frowned. “You know how dangerous that is.”

“I… I need to find her, dad.” Zatanna closed her eyes and leaned into her father, where he had his arm around her back. “I need to stop her.”

He wrapped his arm tighter around her, giving her a one-armed hug. “Alright.”

* * *

The spell placed Artemis in New Jersey, on the outskirts of Gotham City. Zatanna zeta’d there alone. She’d considered, briefly, calling Nightwing for backup, but she needed to do this alone. She needed to be there for Artemis.

 _Tigress_.

The warehouse the spell had pointed her to was decrepit and abandoned-looking; Zatanna whispered, “ _esiugsid em_ ,” and cautiously made her way to the door. She peered in through a broken wallboard, and didn’t see anyone inside, so she slipped in through the door.

It looked lived in, but empty. There was a long table in the middle of the room, with a variety of arrows and guns, in various states of disassembly. A kitchen at the end looked fairly lived-in, and there was a small workout station in the corner with a pull-up bar and weights of various sizes. There were two doors, and she checked both — one was a bedroom with a single unmade bed, and the other was locked.

Zatanna was about to leave and wait for Tigress’s inevitable return when she heard the sound of an arrow being drawn and spun around as quickly as she was able.

Tigress stood there, a wickedly sharp arrow nocked in her bow, her face expressionless behind her mask. “Give me one reason,” she said, voice perfectly even, “why I shouldn’t shoot you.”

“Artemis,” Zatanna tried, and when Tigress — _Artemis_ — didn’t visibly react, she spoke again. “Artemis. I know you don’t want to do this.”

“You don’t know anything about me,” she hissed, drawing the arrow further back. Her arm must have been hurting from the strain, Zatanna noted with the small part of her brain that wasn’t worried about the arrow pointing at her heart. “You have _no idea_ —”

“We’ve all lost someone,” said Zatanna. “I lost my father. There are people you could talk to, people who could help you come to terms—”

“Wally _died_ because the Justice League fucked up,” she said, voice even again. “Your father is alive, and he chose his path of his own free will. Try again.”

“I love you,” she said, and time seemed to freeze.

* * *

_I love you._

The words echoed in Artemis’s head.

_I love you._

The last person who’d said that—

No.

_Don’t think about him, don’t—_

Furious anger ripped through her, and she let the arrow fly. Zatanna stumbled back, the arrow pinning her to the wall through her costume. She saw the terror in the other girl’s eyes, but it was unfounded; Artemis wasn’t going to kill her just yet.

“Don’t manipulate me,” she said, pulling out another arrow and nocking it. “I know exactly what you’re trying to do.”

“I am in love with you,” said Zatanna, eyes wide with fear but burning with intensity, staring at Artemis. “I have been since that first Halloween, when we went on patrol and stopped Harm—”

“Stop.” Artemis knew this was a trick, and oh, what a cruel one, but it was working, somewhat. Part of her wanted desperately to believe Zatanna, believe that someone could love her for so long. It hurt, somewhere deep in her chest, where Wally had once fit.

“I have been in love with you all this time. Anytime I kiss someone, I think of you. Every night, I—”

“ _Stop_!” Artemis’s hands were shaking now, and she dropped the bow, the sharp arrow skidding across the floor. She sank to the ground, covering her eyes, because no, this can’t be happening, this can’t be—

“Please, Artemis. I love y—”

Artemis wasn’t sure how it happened, but suddenly she was kissing Zatanna. The arrow trapping the other girl against the wall dug into her shoulder, but she didn’t notice it — could only pay attention to Zatanna, who was kissing her like she was desperate. Like she’d been waiting for… for years.

“I love you,” said Zatanna softly when Artemis pulled away for breath. “I know you can’t return it yet. But let me help you, Artemis. Let me love you.” Artemis kissed her again.

Artemis could taste magic on Zatanna’s tongue, like lightning and sunlight wrapped together into one. And for the first time in a long time, she had hope.

* * *

Artemis was in chains, and Zatanna knew it was necessary, but it still hurt.

“Has the blood sample come back yet?” asked Dick as he came into the viewing room. They were on the Watchtower, on the other side of a one-way mirror, watching Artemis sitting alone in the interrogation room.

“Not yet,” said Zatanna, eyes still locked on Artemis. As if noticing her attention, the other girl lifted her head and gave a tired smile.

The day before, in the warehouse, they’d kissed and kissed for a long time. Zatanna had felt as though she was in some insane dream. But of course, the reality of the situation was that Artemis needed help, and so she’d given Artemis a choice. Come with her and present herself to the Justice League for judgement, or leave and never see Zatanna again.

It was an insane risk to take. Utterly insane. But Zatanna had meant it. If Artemis still wanted to leave… she would have let her.

But of course she’d done the right thing.

“We found something,” said Batman by way of greeting as he came into the room a few minutes later. “A compound in her blood, increasing anger and lowering inhibitions. She was drugged and manipulated.”

Zatanna felt a smile split across her face, and even Dick looked a little happier.

“So she’s not a killer of her own free will?” asked Dick.

“Given what we know of her past behaviour and temperament, no, she isn’t.” Batman paused. “She needs some time to recover, but once she does, she will be in therapy with Black Canary until she is deemed fit for duty.”

“She’ll be allowed back?” asked Zatanna. She hadn’t expected that. Forgiveness, maybe, but not a return to what she’d been before.

“If she so chooses. She’s highly skilled; we can always use that.” Batman turned and made to leave, but stopped just by the door and spoke again, quieter. “Good job, Zatanna.”

She allowed herself a smile, and turned back to Artemis on the other side of the glass.

* * *

It was almost a week before Artemis was allowed to see anyone other than her nurse and Black Canary for therapy, and as soon as she heard, Zatanna zeta’d to the Watchtower. At the door to Artemis’s room — a nice way of saying “holding cell”, if Zatanna was honest, but at this point it was fair — she hesitated for a moment.

Zatanna had wondered since the first moment they kissed whether she’d made a mistake. She knew Artemis was bi, but she wasn’t young enough or foolish enough to think that it really meant anything in this case. And maybe Artemis wouldn’t want to see her.

But she needed to do this, so she went in.

Artemis was sitting on the bed in sweatpants and a university hoodie, reading a book. She wasn’t chained down or anything, but Zatanna heard the door lock as it shut behind her; it was definitely a cell, then. Artemis looked up at Zatanna with tired eyes, but they brightened as soon as she saw the other woman.

“Hi,” Artemis said softly, setting her book aside.

“Hi,” Zatanna said back, and immediately felt like an idiot. Luckily, Artemis didn’t seem to mind; she smiled softly and gestured for Zatanna to sit down in the chair next to the bed. Zatanna sat. “How are you doing?” she asked.

Artemis shrugged. “I think the drug is out of my system. I’m still mad, I still want revenge… but I don’t think I’m going to kill anyone again. I don’t really remember everything that happened. It’s kind of a blur.”

“That’s probably good.” The pictures from the New York bombing flashed in Zatanna’s memory again; if Artemis was spared that, she was lucky. Zatanna wasn’t sure she would ever forget them.

“I guess. I… I don’t want to know what it’s like to kill. I don’t want to have to think about it.” She looked down, twisting her fingers together. Zatanna saw a row of cuts tracing down the inside of her left arm, and a sudden spike of horror and fear ran through her body. Artemis noticed her reaction and stilled, then slowly raised her eyes to Zatanna.

“I’m not…” she began, but trailed off. Zatanna swallowed past her sudden fear and horror.

“It’s okay, Artemis. If you’re not… if you’re not in danger. It’s okay. I’m not judging.” God knew Zatanna didn’t have space to judge. All superheroes coped unhealthily; Artemis’s coping mechanism being more visible didn’t make it any worse. They were all fucked up in some way.

“I’m not,” Artemis said, more forcefully this time. “Really. I’m talking it out with Black Canary. And it’s all from before you found me.”

“That’s good, at least.” They fell into silence then. It wasn’t awkward, but it was oddly tense; they were both waiting, Zatanna realized, for the other to make a move to talk about what happened at the warehouse between them. Once she realized it, she opened her mouth to speak, but Artemis beat her to the punch.

“I miss Wally. So much,” she said softly. Her mouth twisted like she was trying not to cry. “It just… it just fucking hurt, so much. I was hitchhiking around Europe, drinking myself to oblivion and getting into bar fights just to feel something real, something other than the inescapable horror of knowing I’ll have to live the rest of my life without him. That he’s gone and I’m still here, and it’s so unfair I could scream.

“And I had to blame someone. The Reach is gone, so I couldn’t blame them; but the League is here. I could look them in the eyes and blame them for taking Wally from me. And Sportsmaster gave that to me. It hurt as well, but I could channel it. I think. I don’t remember it much. I just remember the rage and the readiness to make them pay for what they did.”

Artemis finally met Zatanna’s eyes. “I still miss him. I do. But when you kissed me… I realized that I didn’t have to keep hurting forever. That I can miss him and… and love you.” Zatanna felt her heart speed up at the use of the L word, and she had to dig her nails into the arms of the chair to stop herself from flinging herself onto Artemis. The other woman smiled, half terrible sadness and half joy. “I don’t know what’s going to happen from here on. But… I want to try this, someday soon. If you’re okay with it.”

Zatanna closed her eyes, forcing back the tears. “I’ve want to hear that since… god, since we first met. I’ve been in love with you forever, Artemis. Of course I’m okay with it.”

Artemis’s smile could power the sun. And if there were fresh tears on her cheeks when Zatanna kissed her, she didn’t have to mention it.

* * *

**One year later**

“Are you sure?”

Artemis sighed. “If you ask me that again I will shoot you with an arrow, Z.”

“Okay, okay. _Erujnoc emos sesor_.” A bundle of tied roses fell into Artemis’s lap and she picked them up, unlocking the car door and getting out.

It was a warm summer day, and the graveyard was beautiful in the light. Zatanna got out of the car too, but didn’t follow Artemis; she needed to do this alone.

Artemis slowly made her way through the cemetery, walking around crumbling gravestones. Near the back was her target: Wally’s grave. When she got there, her throat seized up. She read the inscription on the stone with eyes rapidly filling with tears.

> _Wallace West_
> 
> _November 11, 1994 - June 20, 2016_
> 
> _Son, hero, and friend_

Artemis placed the roses in front of the grave, and sat down in front of them, facing the grave. The sun was hot on the back of her neck, and her tears dripped down onto the dry and browning grass.

“I’m sorry,” she started, voice soft. “I haven’t been to see you. I’ve been too caught up in my own anger. And then it just… it just hurt too much. I miss you, Wally, I miss you. More than you’ll ever know.”

She twisted her fingers together, and looked down at the white scars on her inner arm. They almost looked indistinguishable from the combat scars that crisscrossed her body, but they weren’t the same, and Artemis would never let herself forget.

“I’m… I’m with someone else now. Zatanna. Of course you know her. It took a long time to get to this point. We’ve only been dating a couple months. For a long time she was helping me get better. And she didn’t have to do that. But I’m grateful. And now she’s my girlfriend.” She let out a half-hysterical laugh through her tears. “I’m talking to you about my new girlfriend. Christ.” She closed her eyes.

“I love you,” she said quietly. “I’ll always love you. But I’m not going to be alone forever. You wouldn’t want that. It’s not fair that you’re gone, but I promise I’ll live for you. I’ll remember you forever. I love you, Wally.”

She reached out and brushed her fingers against the grave. Even in the sun, it was cold.

It took a long time before she could make herself go back to the car. Zatanna was waiting still, and took her hand gently when Artemis approached her.

“Okay?” she asked, cupping Artemis’s cheeks in her hands. Artemis closed her eyes.

“No,” she said. “But I can be. I will be.”

“Good.” Zatanna kissed her forehead. “ _Stel og emoh_.”


End file.
